The Fog of Mourning

 The Fog of Mourning
with love to my home state of Maine

We know what we know.
People were slain.
People were injured.
People experienced terror.
We are hurting.
We wait and wonder.

I had a sudden rush
 of tangled emotions this morning
after I read about the tender beings
who were killed in Lewiston.
I feel such empathy for them,
for their families,
for those who shared in their lives.
And then it went deeper as the words,
“there one minute, gone the next”
meandered through my mind.
Though it has been years,
and my husband died peacefully,
I can relate to a normal day
that ends with sudden,
catastrophic loss.
At first I felt guilty.
What right do I have to cry
 about my own loss
in the midst of this horrible crisis?
I knew to step outside,
take a breath,
be with the trees
and the morning mist.
Slowly it dawned
that we are together
in the fog of mourning
right now,
each in our own way.
How it dissipates
will ebb and flow and vary.
May we all
find spaces and places
to honor our feelings,
experience support,
share love and compassion
so the density of this fog
can lighten
as time goes by.

Sarah Carlson
October 27, 2023

Wide Open Love

Wide Open Love

I love this photo
of our tenderhearted grandson
at the same beach
where I danced in wild waves
during a recent storm.
I came across it just after
a sweet, distant memory of his Opa
found its way into my mind, my heart.

I am driving by the fairgrounds
and, boom… it comes with a rush…
1979
We are newlyweds,
 in our brand new truck,
on our way
to our new home in Rangeley.
New, new, new…
We decide to stop at the Farmington Fair
to meet up with a friend.
44 years later,
I feel as if I’m in the truck,
his arm around my shoulder,
as he searches for a place to park.
Sensations of love, togetherness,
excitement, promise
of that day, those moments,
spread throughout my being.
 They gently pair with the truth
of so many lonely times since he died
that still come every so often,
especially in this town.
I cry peaceful tears for me, for him, for us.
I feel real and right and valid.

I look again at this photo,
 ponder the many aspects
 of newness in my life now.
I marvel at Otto’s easy presence,
 spunky innocence,
wide open love.
I feel so incredibly grateful
to be his Oma,
have the opportunity to
share both lively adventures
 and quiet connection with him
as I carry his Opa
 softly in my heart.

Sarah Carlson
October 2, 2023

In the Awe of it All

Turns out swimming in the wind can be both humbling and empowering. Still processing this amazing experience in/at Silver Lake, New Hampshire.

In the Awe of it All

After a rollicking swim
I am content
to watch and wait
with wonder.
Evening sun sinks behind
an undulating horizon
as wind-whipped waves
continue to break
 upon saturated sand.
Red, orange, yellow hues
shimmer and gleam
 in the clouds,
water, shoreline.
As day gives way to night
and storm clouds
slowly slip away,
my breath and being
settle anew.
I am but one human
alone on a beach.
In those moments
I feel happy, full,
safe
to be immersed
in the awe of it all.

Sarah Carlson
October 1, 2023