What is Healing?

Christmas Cactus blooming on May 29, 2016

Barry Francis Carlson died 14 years ago today. I am feeling the effects of that heartbreaking day  much differently this year. And that's a good thing, though I'm not sure I have the words to express why. I just know deep in my being that all is well.

The plant pictured above was given to me last winter by a person who had a feeling that it was supposed to be mine. It began to bloom on my birthday (May 26th) and was wide open when I got up this morning. There are 13 blossoms, one being a double. And it has made me smile all through this somewhat topsy turvy day.

I took a walk by the Sandy River today and, as often happens along that river, many healing thoughts flowed through me. I wondered why a poem had not surfaced yet, and then I realized that I needed to come home and revisit the very first one that I wrote.

I had asked someone with whom I had started the path of healing just what the modality she was using really was. And then I said, "Never mind, I know." I went home and wrote it with the original title of "What is Polarity?" And as I walked this afternoon I realized how amazing it is that, even in those early days when I was just beginning the work, I somehow knew.

More recently I have been working with a gifted Osteopath, an insightful Spiritual Director, and an  astute Psychologist - a trifecta of healers. And then, of course, there's me - the one who digs in and has learned to let it all flow together.  As I walked and thought today, I realized that a poem that I wrote over 10 years ago was not about one modality, it was really about healing and finding connection to Universal Love.

Here is the updated version of the very first poem that I wrote:

What is Healing?

A journey to within and without,
to that deep place where
wounds and wellness can coexist
and be a powerful mix to find a truer path.
A sense of being an integral, vital part of the outer world.
A re-connection to Love that was thought to be lost,
but becomes more firmly embedded
in the evolution of a unique you.
A time to reflect
 and deeply understand the impact
of all that has been,
without feeling threatened… or wrong.
A chance to relax, renew, and find inner peace.
A way body, mind and spirit
 discover positive pathways
to a future that is yet to be lived.

Sarah Carlson
Originally written - March 2006
Rewritten May 29, 2016

Uniquely Me

Budding Maple Tree outside my childhood home in Waterville, Maine

In the early days of this process of healing there were those who would say to me on occasion, "Don't go there, Sarah." That used to really bother me and now I fully understand why. My inner wisdom guided me to 'go there' and, though I was hurting, I knew it was necessary. Now, so many years later, I am deeply grateful that I followed my heart and found people who have been willing to accompany me and support me along the way without judgment. It's been both difficult and amazing and, right here right now, I can bask in a sense of accomplishment and feel full of love.

Uniquely Me

I turned and went in.

Somehow I knew I had to
and so I did.
I understood that the place
I headed was dark and complex,
but I had no idea how many layers,
how many facets,
how many crannies and crevices
 there were to explore.
I don’t know if I found everything
or if I fully understand what was.
But it doesn’t matter
because I have what I need
to turn again and move away
from the staleness and pain.
I have learned so very much and,
though there is more to do,
I can be in my life right now
as I am without constantly
feeling like I am doing something wrong,
must strive to measure up,
or have to interpret a situation
that defies definition.
I am both child and adult as
the holes left by
what was lacking are filled.
Childlike wonder and gentle confusion
merge with a loving, competent,
sage and purposeful adult
to create this someone who
is uniquely me.

Sarah Carlson

May 15, 2016

Filling In

Spring in Flint Woods

A piece written by a full and happy mother on this Mother's Day of 2016.

 

Filling In

Previously frozen ground
relaxes its hold and
vibrant growth arises.
Fertile soil fully awakens
 under the coziness 

of a spring sun.
Tender blossoms unfold
to share their quiet beauty,
basking in the light anew.
Prior growth
sustains this burgeoning
as chinks and breaches
near the roots replenish with
nourishment and flow.
No barriers now,
just a time to relish the releases,
treasure the tranquility,
and embrace the
filling in.

Sarah Carlson

May 8, 2016