The Energy of it All

 The Energy of it All

As the effects of
 bygone impositions
dissolve
bit by bit by bit,
I’m realizing that it’s
the energy of it all
that is shifting now,
has been along the way.
It was a fearsome, frothy mix
that bubbled and oozed,
 spread toxicity
in a stealthy, fluctuating fashion
 around sweet, tender me.
It’s in my power now
 to let the toxicity
stream away.
Whether it cascades, gushes,
seeps, or dribbles
 matters not
because it’s just not mine,
never was.
As it goes
I have the opportunity
 to more deeply experience
 that which is mine.
I can pause,
raise my eyes
to the expansive sky,
feel the warmth
 of the morning sun
around and through my body
as I bask in the
big, bold, brilliant
energy of me.

Sarah Carlson
January 23, 2021

Such Illumination

 

Such Illumination

The steady presence of the moon
has long been a fascination,
its nuances and beauty
there for the beholding
no matter what’s
going on below.
All that is needed is
a clear enough sky
and awareness.

Our beautiful moon carries truth.
The same side always faces us,
and yet the other exists.
It moves through its lovely phases
 with varied amounts of reflected light,
but no matter what we see,
or even if we don’t bother to look,
 it is whole.
Its consistent orbit
provides the basis
for the months of our earthly year.
Its gravity pulls tides,
was probably a factor
in the stabilizing of the earth
so that life here can flourish.
And flourish we should,
even when times are challenging,
troubling, confusing.

The truth of the moon…
such illumination.
A template for
 letting our own light shine,
especially as we feel unsure,
unnoticed, or even unseen.
Because just like the moon,
we are whole,
we matter.

Sarah Carlson
January 14, 2021

Singular

 Singular

Being mostly alone
in a pandemic
allows one to alter
 relationship within.
So many facets
to explore,
            disentangle,
                    rearrange,
            appreciate.
It’s difficult,
can be so very lonely,
make you wonder
if you have been forgotten
especially as day comes to an end,
dark of winter night approaches.
Wonders and worries sometimes swirl,
unanswered questions and
past confusions surface.
Yet, thoughts can be shifted
to brighter times
when there was a distinct
 sense of belonging.
Feelings honored,
healing rekindled so that
tensions trickle away  
with a sigh, a breath,
a settling
into the comfort
 of one’s beautiful,
singular
self.

Sarah Carlson
January 6, 2020

Newness

Newness

No longer a newborn,
still he can curl up
and sleep soundly on my chest.
Every so often he stretches,
burrows his face,
makes those adorable sounds
that only babies can make.
How sweet it is to hold him close,
feel his full-on trust and love.
When I sit with him
I often think of you.
How you and I soaked in
similar moments with our babies,
both.
How much you would have
loved holding him, too.
Sometimes in quiet moments,
with him in my arms,
gentle tears come.
I miss you in novel ways,
though it has been so long
since I’ve felt your arms
around me.
The underlying emotions also
include a very large dose of joy.
So tonight, on yet another
New Year’s Eve without you,
I honor the varied feelings
that ebb and flow
throughout my being.
 I take a breath
and smile with thoughts
of our precious little grandson,
our wonderful daughter,
a mother.

Sarah Carlson
December 31, 2020