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| April 2016 in Flint Woods - Farmington, ME |
Recently I've had many, many "oh!" moments. It's been quite wonderful, but slightly disorienting, as well. At least that's what I thought for a time, but then I realized that what's really happening is that I'm reorienting. I'm optimistic, grateful and excited.... and a bit tired at times, too.
Today I went for a woods walk, knowing that writing needed to happen. I sat at one of the overlooks in Flint Woods, a view of Mt. Blue in a sparkling spring sky dominating the scene. I pondered and then followed a desire to close my eyes for a bit. A cool wind came and went as I zipped up my jacket and listened - within and without. Suddenly a visual of a gnarled hand came to view - one I've 'seen' before. I felt strong and sure and I said, "Let go... enough!" Right after that several birds started chirping and singing quite loudly. Or maybe they had been all along and I just heard them differently. I'm not sure, but it felt powerful and 'right'. As I walked back to my car an icy puddle at the side of the trail caught me eye, stopping me in my tracks. I took several pictures and knew that the one I've included above had to do with whatever was surfacing... and then I came home and wrote this over the next several hours.
Right
I’m not feeling quite right.
But I don’t feel wrong either,
and that’s novel for me.
I think there’s some depth
at which I don’t quite know
what right actually feels like - yet.
It was not right
that my childhood feelings
were often twisted into knots by
those who should have
embraced me with love.
That’s true. It happened.
But it’s also true that I transformed
those confusing experiences
into good as best I could.
I’ve done well
and the gnarled, frosty hand
that still tries to grab me
when my being flows free
no longer has much pull.
As I more keenly understand
my inner essence
I feel distance and protection
from its piercing pinch.
More and more I reorient,
settling into the cozy comfort of me
just as I am,
feeling whatever I feel,
at any given moment of my life.
And that is very, very right.
Sarah Carlson
April 10, 2016
