Actually I'm Not Stuck At All!

Jence to the rescue - December storm 2016

View from my living room - after the storm 2016

As I pondered my sadness during the clean up from the storm of December 29th into the 30th, I wondered, "Am I stuck in grief? Why do I miss Barry so much today, all these years later?" As I said when I posted the poem about that, it felt really GOOD to write it. I was, quite literally, stuck in my house as my driveway was choked with lovely snow. But, was I stuck in other ways, too?
And, as my son cleared out my driveway I had a sudden revelation - actually I'm not stuck at all!!
So - this is what the storm taught me...

Actually I’m Not Stuck At All!!

Deep breaths here….
In, out, in, out…
Ahhhh…. there it is -
the truth!
I’m not stuck at all and,
in fact,
never have been.
I have always kept moving,
sometimes around,
but in recent years
right smack through
the obstacles, barriers
and troubling times
that have been in my way.
And when I feel sadness or grief
or despair - that’s okay!
I’ve never ever wallowed in those
more difficult emotions,
but they’ve been real
and necessary,
mine to experience.
And, just as important -
when I feel joy, triumph,
competence, communion -
 that’s okay, too!
They are also real
and necessary and
mine to experience.
Oh, my gosh,
what revelations!
Ya-hoo - this is wonderful!
Even though sometimes
it’s been hard to move
and I’ve had to strive to put
one foot in front of the other,
actually I’m not stuck at all!

Sarah Carlson

January 1, 2017

True Communion

Communing with the sky aboard the Noah's Ark - August 2016

This piece is another one that has been a long time coming. It has been edited a few times and I think it's the way I need it to be - at least for now.

True Communion

Sensations of ease allow
my body to move
more freely
despite minor limitations of
age-old injuries.
A slight need to reach, do
continues to lessen as
billowing love spreads to the
 boundaries of my being.
Sometimes…all at once breathless, but not.
More like a suspension of breath,
a pause for moments of
transition and stillness,
then somehow breathing anew.
A gentle sense of being adrift,
but not off course,
 as I restart, reset, reconnect.
On my own two feet,
yet held and supported.
The way it should be,
should have been
all along.

Various eras of my life blend together
as I stretch into the fullness
of my substance.
Doubts and fears rooted in bygone days
come to the surface of my mind,
begging to still be heard.
But it’s in my power to turn away,
 and to.

There’s more, beyond my knowing.

But right now there's
nothing I need to do 

but allow healing to absorb,
have faith in
true communion,
and be me. 

Sarah Carlson

January 1, 2017