Father Love

Clearwater Lake, Maine

Father Love

Gentle, steady acceptance

coupled with a deep, strong sureness.

I know you’ve been there all along,

but for varied reasons I just couldn’t

quite trust all the way, all the time.

I thought I had to hide, protect,

stay strong on my own.

But, just when I was beginning to

understand the primary reasons

for perceived wrongness,

there you were.

In those sweet, tender moments

between sleep and awakening

you simply sat with me in silence

until I became aware of your presence.

One hand on my shoulder, one on my leg

you calmly offered compassionate connection

without judgment.

I didn’t even ask you to come,

at least not to my knowledge,

so your visit was a pleasant surprise.

I vacillated between true communion
 and vestigial patterns of unease.

Even now, though,

I can remember the sublime energy of being with you

and how it felt benevolent and right.

No reason to fear, no need to be ashamed

or feel anything but love.

After letting those sensations

sit and settle for a while

I realize what you offered that morning

was unconditional Father Love -

that, in truth, it’s always there.

It’s reminiscent of moments

with my dad learning the stars

and finding pictures in the clouds,

of what I saw in my brother’s eyes

as he watched his babies for too few years,

and what I felt with Barry as he reveled in being with

with our babies, children, young adults.

I miss them all so very much -

dad, brother, husband.

I know their love is with me still

as I’m becoming more free

to receive, embrace your love.

Perhaps it is actually all the same force.

Thank you for your visit

in the wee hours of the morning

to help me be more aware,

more accepting of ubiquitous

 Father Love.

Sarah Carlson

May 16, 2017