Dear, Sweet, Beautiful Self

Dear, Sweet, Beautiful Self

She breathes deep the gathering bloom,

pushes through the ground,

straightens and

opens to the light of day.

She relishes the feel of

sunlight on her skin,

breezes on her face,

orienting of her cells

to newness.

Even under the cold weight 

of grief, 

she feels her strength

and kindness

and empathetic nature.

She knows these will help her

 attend to her own needs.

It is heavy,

this grief.

It has many angles and facets,

twists and turns,

faces and memories.

And, it surely is 

a strange time 

to experience all this.

A time when there are 

other forms of grief

 in the here and now.

And so she pauses

and breathes,

slowly acknowledges

that she must allow it to be,

that it will melt or flow or wisp away

when the time is right. 

It may make her bend,

cause some distress,

but she knows

she will not break.

She must take time,

be patient and kind

with her dear, sweet, 

beautiful self.

Sarah Carlson

May 9, 2020

 

 

Rejuvenation

 Rejuvenation 

Roots hold fast, 

pull nourishment from 

the awakening ground.

Limbs softly sway,

reach into the warmth 

and glow of the wide open sky.

Inner world enlivens

as trunk aligns,

joints and cells settle 

right where they need to be. 

A breath, a stretch, a gaze above.

Traumatic tensions

 from a long, cold winter

wisp away,

replaced by peaceful currents

 of growth and hope.

Though winter held a beauty all its own

and much was gleaned

 from its presence,

the time has come 

for rejuvenation.

Sarah Carlson

May 5, 2020

Pandemic Peace

I wrote this piece to use as a guided meditation for my Mindful Schools cohort group the Sunday before my mother died. As I re-read it recently, I realized that I also wrote it for her and that it was very present as I talked with her on the phone as things started to come undone just two days later. And, as time has gone on I realize I wrote it for me, for you, for all of us. With just a few revisions from the original piece, here it is:

Pandemic Peace

Deep, deep breaths,
in…. out… in… out… in … out.
Within the solid walls of your home,
and the linear edges of your computer screen,
settle into the soft
surrounds of your body,
If your mind is at first busy,
appreciate your amazing ability to think.
Then, allow thoughts to fade or rise
 or flow away.
Relax your eyebrows and behind your eyes.
Let that sense of ease slide down to your jaw
as you allow it to slacken.
Downward into your neck,
comfort seeps to your shoulders
as muscles slowly and surely
softly, ever so softly, settle.
Now….
drop into your heart space,
that place where you really are.
Feel the expansiveness
of love… and compassion
as they gently swirl
 in and around and through.
Sit with this for a bit,
giving quiet a chance to widen.


As you let your time of stillness
come to an end,
imagine this love and compassion
that resides in your heart space
as a golden glow.
Feel it warm you from within,
while at the very same time you
let it wend its way
into the reality of room where you are,
the virtual space we share,
the wider world
where all of us everywhere
can feel its smooth and silky support.
May we feel this love in tandem.
May we embrace this compassion as a community.
May we allow this peace that can be found
in these currents of quiet
that flow from our hearts
to buoy us and sustain us
as we navigate this pandemic together.

Sarah Carlson

April 19, 2020

The Light of Love, Too

A poem about this topic has been on my mind, in my heart, for a while. There is a poem in The Radiance of Change titled The Light of Love that is also paired with this picture. I've come to understand that Light more clearly over time. What follows was written between a tele-med osteopathic treatment in the middle of the day and some very tender time with my mother before she ended up in the hospital later that night. She passed away the next day.
Here I am a week and a half later, finding this piece in my drafts as I remember the many complex facets of our almost 63 years as mother and daughter.
This is a photo of a very special place in my heart - Campsite 11 on Student's Island,  Mooselookmeguntic Lake, Maine.

The Light of Love, Too

Freedom comes as one opens
to the Light of Love
without reservation or defense.
Its branches and tendrils,
currents and vapors,
are both earthbound
and lofty.
It is ready and available
for giving and receiving,
for the conduit to be complete.

Vulnerable infant,
wide-eyed toddler,
sweet little girl,
anxious teen…
For all those years love
flowed naturally from her
into her world.
It was reciprocated,
but not always by those
who were the receivers,
so she wondered and worried
that perhaps she did not deserve.
Then, her life and his merged
and she couldn’t help but let
the strength of his love in.
It was truly undeniable.
It provided an anchor and she relaxed
in the flow of marriage, motherhood, and teaching.
Tragedy struck and she became
 adrift and unsure once more,
though love still emanated from within.
Her natural propensity to care for others
remained strong
while the sense of possible unworthiness
again took hold in a that deep, familiar place.
Choosing to explore her fathoms,
over time she has learned to let go the pulls,
release the tensions,
allow the full, deep breath
of Spirit to enter,
restore, revitalize.
Slowly, steadily
she internalizes
 that she really does deserve
that Light of Love, too.
Nothing to do
other than continue
to learn to allow it
 to manifest and bolster
her innate vitality.

Sarah Carlson

April 21, 2020