Out There

 Out There

I look to the blue wideness,
feel the rhythm of the waves,
appreciate so much that
is good in my life.
I ponder yet again how
one can feel full
and empty at the
very same time.
This fullness comes from
salty, sandy, joyful
beach time shared
with offspring
and offspring of offspring.
The emptiness is actually
small, but mighty.
Perhaps some of it comes from
the closing of a career,
saying good-bye to a mother and father,
 solo pandemic time,
missing the one with whom
I would have processed all that.
No matter how hard I’ve tried
in the 20 years since he died,
I can’t seem to find community
here where we lived.
This particular loneliness
is very real
and I feel right in naming it.
For so long I thought it came
from something I
must have done wrong,
like grieve.
My healing has shown me
that simply isn’t true.
So I look once again
to the blue wideness
and realize there’s so much more …
                                                      out there.
                                                                        And out there
                                                            includes me.

Sarah Carlson
July 7, 2022