A Long Time Coming

 A Long Time Coming

A photo of 18-year-old me
and conversations with a friend
from my alpine racing days,
stir both stale pain and opportunity
for healing deep within.
March 1976.
I’m in a tuck,
strong and free,
on the flats of a downhill race.
I see her now,
connect with her then,
know the truth
of her teenage experiences.
She couldn’t put words to her sorrow
in those days.
It wasn’t safe.
She was full of imposed fear…
 and fearless.
Her pain, mine,
comes up and out
with a strength and vulnerability
that is righteous.
In speaking the truth,
being listened to with
kindness and compassion,
I claim my own experiences,
find a novel freedom
that may take some getting used to.
I honor that young ski racer in me
with an absence of wrongness,
and it’s wonderful.
I look out the window
as a gentle rain falls,
releases left over ice
from last night’s storm,
and realize that apparently
I just need to let go,
 cry tears that have been
such a long time coming.

Sarah Carlson
April 6, 2023