Ancestral Darkness
I come from hardy stock,
strong, adventuresome, intelligent -
but with brokenness woven in.
Ancestral darkness was always present.
I don’t fully understand the many shards
of the despair and dysfunction
of previous generations,
and perhaps I never will.
But I always felt a nebulous, chilly energy -
an uneasiness that I couldn’t explain.
It contained palpable sadness,
family relationships that had fallen by the wayside,
and a deeply entrenched code of silence.
This ancestral darkness does not define me,
but I grew up with the confusion and instability of its effects.
All along the way the Light of Love
illuminated my underpinnings when I needed it most,
but it was hard to relax in its warmth.
The resilience, courage, and perceptiveness
of my forbears were there, too.
So I’ve learned, adapted, expanded.
I am grateful, optimistic, grounded.
I am growing, healing, flowing.
I can trust in my abilities to care, communicate, connect
and not worry about breaking the code.
It was theirs, not mine.
I can live in the Light,
be who I am.
It was there.
It was real.
But I don’t have to live in the shadows
of ancestral darkness
anymore.
I come from hardy stock,
strong, adventuresome, intelligent -
but with brokenness woven in.
Ancestral darkness was always present.
I don’t fully understand the many shards
of the despair and dysfunction
of previous generations,
and perhaps I never will.
But I always felt a nebulous, chilly energy -
an uneasiness that I couldn’t explain.
It contained palpable sadness,
family relationships that had fallen by the wayside,
and a deeply entrenched code of silence.
This ancestral darkness does not define me,
but I grew up with the confusion and instability of its effects.
All along the way the Light of Love
illuminated my underpinnings when I needed it most,
but it was hard to relax in its warmth.
The resilience, courage, and perceptiveness
of my forbears were there, too.
So I’ve learned, adapted, expanded.
I am grateful, optimistic, grounded.
I am growing, healing, flowing.
I can trust in my abilities to care, communicate, connect
and not worry about breaking the code.
It was theirs, not mine.
I can live in the Light,
be who I am.
It was there.
It was real.
But I don’t have to live in the shadows
of ancestral darkness
anymore.
Sarah Terry Carlson
October 25, 2015
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