The Light of Love

Student's Island - Mooselookmeguntic Lake, Maine

Well, here I am more than 13 years since Barry died and I've circled around to the deep ache of missing his physical presence. The difference is that I'm okay with it. Well, for the most part anyway. It's there and I know I'm fine, but oh how I would love to have him wrap his arms around me so I could just have a cleansing cry. I've pedaled my bike, acknowledged and honored my feelings, and immersed myself in all that I know is good in my life.  But I just have been having trouble settling. I did recognize some of the energy as 'pre-writing' and so this poem has evolved over the past few days.  This is one that I know will take a little while to live my way into...

The Light of Love

He came into my life exactly
when I needed him.
And though there were many reasons not to,
 I knew enough to trust my heart and let
the Light of his Love
weave its way into my fabric.
Our lives aligned and entwined, our family grew.
Charged with the energy of Love
we encountered triumphs and trials,
joys and sorrows,
reveling in all that we shared.
No longer can he hold me or reflect my essence
with his tender, thoughtful blue eyes.
I can’t grasp his hand as
we walk, talk and ponder together.
At times I still ache for what was,
but his Love remains a part
of who I am right here, right now.
As I heal and grow,
explore and examine,
I more fully understand its omnipotence.
And in fact, the Light of Love
has been a beacon
all along my way -
before I met him and since he left.
I just needed to learn that I deserve it
as much as any other being.
I am not an outsider.
I am as in as I allow my self to be.

Sarah Carlson

November 10, 2015