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| Summer Skyscape - July 16, 2017 |
True Sorrow
I’ve had some traumatic events and
profound losses in my life.
I know I’m not alone in that,
but my experiences are what I’ve lived.
They are mine, true to me.
I am more clearly understanding, though,
that suffering from those difficult times
primarily comes from a
sense of separation and wrongness
that does not have to be part of my truth.
There is a heavy pain to unexpressed emotions
attached to the impact of trauma and loss.
I’ve recognized that for a while now.
I just had no idea how much
I was harboring that really
is not of me, is not mine.
For varied reasons
I learned that my hurts didn’t matter
and my pains were to be hidden,
made invisible.
That caused early sorrows to be lodged deeply within.
During my years with Barry they were coupled
with the miracle of love shared -
a tender balm to all our discomforts.
And then one beautiful spring day he died.
Sorrow upon sorrow upon sorrow.
I continued on -
living, learning, teaching, giving, loving.
When the inner aches of that loss could not be denied
I did the best I could to attend to them
with what I knew along the way.
Now, all these years later,
I more fully recognize the veracity of my sorrows.
In allowing, honoring my so-called ‘dark’ emotions
I have been emptying out those places within
that were stagnated with imposed falseness.
The little one was tentative as I started
to travel into the murkiness,
but intrepidly she lets me know what she needs and,
like the billowing water vapors
of a fair-weather summer cloud,
true sorrow roils out of me,
clearing the way for
deeper and deeper healing
as my bright true-ness expands ever more freely
out into the light of day.
I’ve had some traumatic events and
profound losses in my life.
I know I’m not alone in that,
but my experiences are what I’ve lived.
They are mine, true to me.
I am more clearly understanding, though,
that suffering from those difficult times
primarily comes from a
sense of separation and wrongness
that does not have to be part of my truth.
There is a heavy pain to unexpressed emotions
attached to the impact of trauma and loss.
I’ve recognized that for a while now.
I just had no idea how much
I was harboring that really
is not of me, is not mine.
For varied reasons
I learned that my hurts didn’t matter
and my pains were to be hidden,
made invisible.
That caused early sorrows to be lodged deeply within.
During my years with Barry they were coupled
with the miracle of love shared -
a tender balm to all our discomforts.
And then one beautiful spring day he died.
Sorrow upon sorrow upon sorrow.
I continued on -
living, learning, teaching, giving, loving.
When the inner aches of that loss could not be denied
I did the best I could to attend to them
with what I knew along the way.
Now, all these years later,
I more fully recognize the veracity of my sorrows.
In allowing, honoring my so-called ‘dark’ emotions
I have been emptying out those places within
that were stagnated with imposed falseness.
The little one was tentative as I started
to travel into the murkiness,
but intrepidly she lets me know what she needs and,
like the billowing water vapors
of a fair-weather summer cloud,
true sorrow roils out of me,
clearing the way for
deeper and deeper healing
as my bright true-ness expands ever more freely
out into the light of day.
Sarah Carlson
July 17, 2017
July 17, 2017
I so love and appreciate the way you think and the way you experience life's most difficult challenges, Sarah!
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