Gather
I carried it for so long,
though I don’t really have words
that properly convey.
I know it to be gloomy, tangly, once mighty.
I long thought it was stronger than me.
But the antithesis is true.
I am stronger, have always been.
I had to acknowledge it,
explore it for a time,
learn from it
so I could welcome faith
in the currents of now.
Along the way I kept thinking
I had it figured out,
could set it down and move on.
I’d relax in the flow
and then it would slither in
from an unnoticed direction,
implore me to pay attention
just when I felt full and free.
So recently, from a place of safety,
I reluctantly listened yet again.
I felt confined by it and distinct from it.
I felt exasperation toward it
and compassion for me.
I felt stale constriction
and hinting liberation.
Though I tried to waylay them,
tears demanded my attention.
Now as underlying,
unneeded intensity lessens,
I can absorb that I am truly okay,
have the ability to let the muck filter away.
I belong, I am safe, I can trust.
I can believe in mutuality
with the Divine without fear.
Whatever fear attached to that
simply is not mine,
has no meaning for me.
With fondness for self,
gratitude for growth,
recognition of radiance,
I softly, tenderly reorient and release.
There may be bits that straggle, or not.
It doesn’t really matter because
they will fall away
at the opportune time.
I am free to lovingly lighten up,
gather what this meander reveals.
I carried it for so long,
though I don’t really have words
that properly convey.
I know it to be gloomy, tangly, once mighty.
I long thought it was stronger than me.
But the antithesis is true.
I am stronger, have always been.
I had to acknowledge it,
explore it for a time,
learn from it
so I could welcome faith
in the currents of now.
Along the way I kept thinking
I had it figured out,
could set it down and move on.
I’d relax in the flow
and then it would slither in
from an unnoticed direction,
implore me to pay attention
just when I felt full and free.
So recently, from a place of safety,
I reluctantly listened yet again.
I felt confined by it and distinct from it.
I felt exasperation toward it
and compassion for me.
I felt stale constriction
and hinting liberation.
Though I tried to waylay them,
tears demanded my attention.
Now as underlying,
unneeded intensity lessens,
I can absorb that I am truly okay,
have the ability to let the muck filter away.
I belong, I am safe, I can trust.
I can believe in mutuality
with the Divine without fear.
Whatever fear attached to that
simply is not mine,
has no meaning for me.
With fondness for self,
gratitude for growth,
recognition of radiance,
I softly, tenderly reorient and release.
There may be bits that straggle, or not.
It doesn’t really matter because
they will fall away
at the opportune time.
I am free to lovingly lighten up,
gather what this meander reveals.
Sarah Carlson
September 15-22, 2019
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