Mindfully Lonely

Cundy's Harbor, Maine

At a mindfulness workshop for health care providers and educators that I went to recently there was a question and answer time at the very end. The last question was one about how mindfulness might help with loneliness. Such an intriguing question. One of the presenters wondered if the person asking the question was referring to the deeper problem of depression. As I listened I was struck by my own feelings surrounding the topic of loneliness - that it definitely should not automatically be associated with depression or sadness and that, as one becomes more mindful, perhaps the sense of loneliness might actually be more acute - at least for a time. This all happened just after I had needed a break from the bigness of the day, had chosen to spend some time alone and had written the bulk of Inner Symphony during that hiatus.
So this is what came from that experience and further musings about the topic.

Mindfully Lonely

As I become more able to
sit with my authentic emotions
I recognize the presence, the validity
of loneliness in my life.
I’ve been able to separate it from
a sense of abandonment, so
it isn’t terribly depressing
and doesn’t stop me from staying
active and engaged.
It doesn’t prevent me from feeling
grateful for my life experiences,
including love shared.
But it is real and true that I sometimes
crave companionship,
a like-minded person with whom
to process, share, or adventure.
It’s not that I’m alone all the time,
and in fact I often choose to be.
It’s just that every so often I want
a spontaneous connection in the
here and now.
People will say,
“You know, you’re never really alone.”
Although I understand that message
and I do believe,
it doesn’t always help in moments
of genuine loneliness.
So I’ve decided to honor
the feelings that surface,
enabling my relationship
with loneliness to further change.
I’m not going to push it away,
think that there’s something wrong with me,
or feel guilty that it is there.
In other words,
I’m simply going to allow myself to be
mindfully lonely 

and see what comes.

Sarah Carlson
October 8, 2017