Years and Years of Tears

 

Years and Years of Tears

And so they come
from deep down in my depths.
I know it’s healthy
to allow them to flow,
though some of them
have powerful currents
of anger
and I feel a bit afraid
of their fierceness.
I’m home alone,
though I believe
that the Divine is here
and there
and everywhere.
Trusting in the
pure benevolence
of that connection
 is still fairly new,
especially in moments
of releasing indignation.
But the time is right,
 conditions oddly favorable,
for years and years of tears
to overflow my tender heart.
And so I will do my best
to allow them without fear.
Anticipating the cleansing,
even now I look
for the light that I know
will eventually show.
I can feel my healing,
but this is hard …
and right now
 it hurts.

Sarah Carlson
November 25, 2020

 

Upheld

Adding the photo that inspired the poem

 

This poem surfaced several days ago. I've been sitting with it and the more I do, the more I feel its many meanings, its power and love. It was inspired by one thing, but taps so very much. 

I usually post my poems with the picture that inspires them or that I later realize is connected to their meaning. But this one just has so many connections. And, this morning I realized I needed it to be out in my home space. So, here's a pic of the one I wrote for me.

I'm so grateful to have had a loving husband and to have raised two amazing children with him. I'm grateful for how I somehow found his death a catalyst to explore my inner workings.   

And so this Thanksgiving day I share this piece along with some of the many things I am thankful for - my being, my healing, my family and friends, my students, my home, my gifts and the courage to share. 

Here it is... with love.

Upheld

Your wholesome body curls
against my chest,
warms my heart with memories
of nurturing and loving and
mothering.
This time of holding,
beginning to know you,
is fresh, clear,
has no tangles.
It contains a pleasant,
fizzy energy of
            transition,
                    connection,
                                unbridled love.
As if your heart and mine
meld together,
though our uniqueness is
distinct and true.
You, so tiny and pristine.
Me, more weathered
 with freshness of my own.
This mingled newness
liberates feelings that are
 almost beyond words.
I am upheld
                as I uphold.
And it’s beautiful.

Sarah Carlson
November 17, 2020

Even a Little Bit of Light

 Even a Little Bit of Light

Some of us have a hefty share
of trying times.
For the most part,
there’s no real
 rhyme or reason
to that.
It just is as it is.
Loss and times of grief
are simply part of being human.
And, when you live and love deeply,
there are just so very many feels
betwixt and between.
As I’ve worked my way in
and around and through the
effects of my own dark times,
I can recognize
that I have this amazing way
of finding the good,
orienting to hope,
 eventually finding
even a little bit of light
no matter how dark
it may be.
I feel so very grateful
that I know this
about me.
It’s an essential
part of my inner embers
that I need to kindle
right now.
I can do that for me.

Sarah Carlson
November 23, 2020

Widen

Widen

She looks closely,
so closely,
trying to find her way in,
                                            out,
                                    around,
                        and through.
When she loses her bearings,
feels adrift,
she knows the importance
of remembering
to raise her gaze
to the horizon,
let her vision
 be less and less
skewed by the lenses
of those who would
 not fully see.
Eventually her eyes refocus,
currents shift,
heart opens even more.
The buzzing energy
of imposed tension
dwindles
 as the fuzzy warmth
of boundless love
widens.
Her shoulders straighten,
breath comes easily,
gaze drifts ever higher.
Eyes to the sky,
she smiles and
widens, too.

Sarah Carlson
November 21, 2020

The Adventure of Being Human

 The Adventure of Being Human

Mountains, though ever changing,
stand strong in the distance –
their peaks and slopes
repositories for cherished memories
 and the promise of future escapades.
A soft evening sky
reflects in seemingly quiet waters,
causes us to, as well.
Peaceful beauty
simply
there for us to behold
together,
though well we know
the movement of fathoms,
each with our own deeps
that can stir and swirl.
Moments such as these
along the shore of a silver lake
help us once again understand
the validity and substance
of the spectrum
from sorrow to joy,
despair to love,
grief to faith
in shared Divinity.
All of these and the
 in betweens,
integral elements
in the adventure
of being human.

Sarah Carlson

November 11, 2020