I've known that this post needed to happen because tears are so very important, but I wasn't sure just when. Today, though, I've had some gentle tears flowing and so it seems right. I think and feel that today's tears have partially been about this blog in some ways, but I'm not exactly sure. As I've said before it's been interesting to revisit all these words that came to the surface as I explored sorrow and grief. At times it's still hard to know if I'm on the right track putting all this out there. But then I have an experience like I did last night when someone approaches me and lets me know how helpful it is for them to read my words. Responses like that fortify me for sure. So today I think the tears were a very sublime mix that I really don't need to analyze or explain any further. They were just there, washed some things away, and led to my putting this post together. It's all about understanding that, contrary to what society tells us and what many of us learn, at times it IS necessary and healing to cry. These three poems represent how that extremely critical realization worked its way into my being.
True Tears of Grief
I thought I had already cried
tears of grief,
but I hadn’t really
let them flow.
Even when my
molten core erupted,
I judged.
I didn't intend to,
I just hadn’t quite fully internalized
that I belong,
I deserve, I am not wrong.
As I unravel the layers,
peel away the attachments,
and re-examine my pieces
the blankness is filling
with a deeper understanding of
my essence.
And as it does
I can finally grieve
without reservation.
I can cry gentle tears of yearning
and surrender.
I can cry cleansing tears of
purity and release.
I can cry true
tears of grief.
Integrated Tears
And so they flow,
old tears and new.
Her tears, my tears, ours.
I can feel little girl sadness
bubbling to the surface
even before they come.
My body lets me know
with pains that are clearly
begging for an outlet.
I’m not afraid of them anymore,
understanding the need
for expression and release of
old fears, deep despair,
and multiple origins of grief.
And so they flow,
not as often,
but so very strongly when
they come.
Integrated tears that have
the power to fully
wash away unwanted debris
and make room
for experiencing the
joys and the wonders
of me.
Rainbow Tears
The floodgates have opened
all the way
and I’m crying rainbow tears.
A multi-hued mixture
of fury, gratitude,
despair, joy, frustration
and things I cannot define.
But mostly these
beautiful and necessary droplets
are tears of grief
for what was and is now gone,
for what was not and
can never be,
for time lost living
the misperceptions I internalized.
Gently or with gusto
they come and they go -
unencumbered by judgment
or fear,
washing away anguish,
detoxifying my being
and making room for further
acknowledgment of the goodness
in me and in my world.
Rainbow tears
of honor and release.
I thought I had already cried
tears of grief,
but I hadn’t really
let them flow.
Even when my
molten core erupted,
I judged.
I didn't intend to,
I just hadn’t quite fully internalized
that I belong,
I deserve, I am not wrong.
As I unravel the layers,
peel away the attachments,
and re-examine my pieces
the blankness is filling
with a deeper understanding of
my essence.
And as it does
I can finally grieve
without reservation.
I can cry gentle tears of yearning
and surrender.
I can cry cleansing tears of
purity and release.
I can cry true
tears of grief.
Sarah Carlson
March 12, 2008
Integrated Tears
And so they flow,
old tears and new.
Her tears, my tears, ours.
I can feel little girl sadness
bubbling to the surface
even before they come.
My body lets me know
with pains that are clearly
begging for an outlet.
I’m not afraid of them anymore,
understanding the need
for expression and release of
old fears, deep despair,
and multiple origins of grief.
And so they flow,
not as often,
but so very strongly when
they come.
Integrated tears that have
the power to fully
wash away unwanted debris
and make room
for experiencing the
joys and the wonders
of me.
Sarah Carlson
March 24, 2008
Rainbow Tears
The floodgates have opened
all the way
and I’m crying rainbow tears.
A multi-hued mixture
of fury, gratitude,
despair, joy, frustration
and things I cannot define.
But mostly these
beautiful and necessary droplets
are tears of grief
for what was and is now gone,
for what was not and
can never be,
for time lost living
the misperceptions I internalized.
Gently or with gusto
they come and they go -
unencumbered by judgment
or fear,
washing away anguish,
detoxifying my being
and making room for further
acknowledgment of the goodness
in me and in my world.
Rainbow tears
of honor and release.
Sarah Carlson
May 31, 2008
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