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| Artwork by a fourth grader who made this poster to help welcome my new class a few years ago |
I am taking a bit of a departure and writing in prose. Though I do it with caution, and mindfully, I really needed to put this out into the world just now. Thank you in advance to those who choose to sit with these words.
It's Time for Truth
It’s time for teachers to share our stories, to speak our truths. Like most educators I tend to quietly weave the intricacies of teaching together to provide a fabric of safety and love for my students. That continued in the shocking change that happened on March 15, 2020 - the day we found out that we were to teach from home starting the very next day.
We had two days to get materials together for take-home packets and then a few days to begin to figure out what things would look like from there. I live alone and so had plenty of time to attend the amazing webinars and content specialist meetings that the Maine Department of Education provided. I taught myself how to use Google Classroom and had help from some cohort-mates from an online mindfulness class in learning how to use YouTube. I used that to provide math lessons, moments of mindfulness, and read-alouds that led to nature journaling. And on it all went. I, like so many teachers all over the world, changed the way I approached teaching in a very short time. We really did turn on a dime. I took the words of Pender Makin, the Commissioner of Education in Maine, to heart. I dove in and ‘fearlessly educated’ my students.
Though I missed face to face interactions with my students, there was much I did like about remote teaching/learning. I felt safe and free to use my innate creativity to find my way back to interacting with them. Most climbed aboard with the help of their wonderful, supportive families. The ways they did that varied depending upon circumstances, but I welcomed them in whatever those ways needed to be. It wasn’t totally smooth sailing, to be sure. But, with all things considered, it wasn’t a total loss as many people seem to think. We were most definitely not a sinking ship.
During the time of remote teaching I achieved the goal of independently publishing my second book of poetry and photography. Now, like many authors, I have boxes and boxes of books with limited opportunities to get them into the world. In addition to that I was also trying to find ways to support from afar my intrepid, elderly, visually impaired mother who lived alone in a neighboring town. 5 weeks into remote teaching she passed away. And so began the work of adjusting to that, taking care of a house full of memories, and the many other aspects of dealing with a loss. I did not take any bereavement time because I didn’t want to leave my students adrift. The way our contract stipulated that time had to be taken just didn’t fit the circumstances. So I just kept on going. As the school year ended I was in the beginning stages of planning a way to lay both my parents to rest in the midst of a pandemic. Again, on it all went.
I share all this because it’s a glimpse into the world of this human being who happens to be a teacher. Looking back I honestly don’t know how I made it though. But now, here we are at the beginning of July with a new school year looming. We’re hearing all kinds of scenarios and possibilities, with many, many opinions about what should happen next. So many of those opinions clearly come from perceptions that are not at all grounded in the realities of the public school setting. And time is in very short supply.
What’s really true is that we just don’t know what will happen if kids return to school. What’s clear is that our country has not handled this pandemic in such a way that we can feel safe to gather together. What’s painfully obvious to those of us who work in school buildings is that the logistics of physical distancing and the other CDC guidelines are mind-boggling.
I can honestly say that, as an educator with 30 years of experience, I don’t know that I can ‘fearlessly educate’ in person in my school building. I’ll go further into honesty to say that I don’t know that I even want to try. It may be that I will need to do something that I, along with most educators, rarely do. That being, put myself first. Though I do not feel ready to end my teaching career, it may be that will be the best choice for me. I have to put away feeling selfish or entitled and sit with what’s true. I have selflessly given my support, my guidance, my heart to hundreds of students and families over the years. It may be that I need to offer that to my self at a time and in a society when the feelings and needs of educators are often overlooked. I say that with love. But, it’s true. My hope is in writing this is that others may find a way and a time to share their stories, too. Because it really is time for truth.
Sarah Carlson
July 7, 2020
Farmington, ME
Thank you for this. As a parent, I agree with your uncertainty about returning to a classroom. You must be an amazing teacher and I applaud you for being creative and continuing to teach. That was not our experience. My son was academically ahead of his class when things shut down and his teacher had no plan to continue teaching remotely. Class meetings where chaotic at best and lasted maybe 20 minutes. Even the one on ones that I scheduled were less than the allotted 30 minutes that we signed up for. My hope is that the teaching we have been doing with him at home (while working) will keep him at least on grade level. While I am hopeful for August, I am not holding my breath.
ReplyDeleteSarah, I, too, have been in education 30+ years, though not as a classroom teacher for most of those years, even though I am a professionally licensed gr 1-6 teacher and have my Master's in Early Childhood Education. My many professional teaching positions include nature educator, preschool educator, long-term substitute teacher, stay-at-home mom educator, camp director and counselor, and for the last 10+ years, an elementary school SPED Instructional Assistant working alongside classroom teachers. I found myself being the replacement classroom teacher during the spring remote learning because I knew the homeroom students and the other students in the 5th grade. The technology learning curve was very steep for me, but my colleagues were incredibly supportive and I managed to give my students the best I could. This fall I am faced, as all teachers are, with the uncertainty of what returning to school will look like for students, teachers, IAs and other staff as well as working parents and legal guardians and elderly guardians. I will, once again, be a long-term substitute classroom 3rd grade teacher, though I won't know any of the students and they won't really know me. They may recognize me from seeing me around the school but that's all. The uncertainty of the spread of COVID-19 in the classroom setting is scary to all of us - and I'm hearing "It isn't affecting kids like it does adults." which may or may not be true. However, I am an adult and my adult children currently live with me. So how will going back to school affect my chances of contracting COVID-19 and/or bringing it home to my family? How can opening all schools without federal aid to retrofit all classrooms be feasible? Why are those that make the rules on the federal level not interested in listening to those who are in the classrooms every single day? They are there because they love what they do and are good at what they do and do it despite the atrocious way they are treated by many (not all of course) in society and paid wages so low that many of us must take on second jobs just to support our households, especially those of us who are single mothers and fathers and guardians. I don't have the choice whether I go back to school in the fall or not. I need the income. I need the health insurance. But most of all I need my students and my colleagues and my family, who mean the world to me - to be safe and healthy. And I'll do whatever that takes. Thank you for your 'meanderings'. And thank you for allowing me to make my comments here. JN
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