My Mother’s Garden
She devised a seemingly beautiful space
inside our home.
But, it was outside
where the real beauty took hold.
An open field
that gradually became
a meandering garden
with trees for shade
and places to rest.
She created it over time,
a place for her respite and delight.
I tried to join her there,
but we were usually going
in conflicting directions.
At least that’s how it felt.
Occasionally,
our paths would merge,
but it was brief
and I couldn’t seem to match her step,
perhaps wasn’t meant to.
I knew to follow love,
even came back to be married there.
The last time I talked with my brother
was right there, too.
The disjointed, confusing
energy of the place
has been present throughout.
But now as I prepare
to fully walk away,
I can more freely reap the benefits
of other seeds that were sown.
Athleticism, strength, courage,
ability to find hope, no matter what.
I have those with me, too.
I can recognize and allow the blossoms
of my mother’s garden.
I can be me right where I am.
I don’t have to be
there anymore.
She devised a seemingly beautiful space
inside our home.
But, it was outside
where the real beauty took hold.
An open field
that gradually became
a meandering garden
with trees for shade
and places to rest.
She created it over time,
a place for her respite and delight.
I tried to join her there,
but we were usually going
in conflicting directions.
At least that’s how it felt.
Occasionally,
our paths would merge,
but it was brief
and I couldn’t seem to match her step,
perhaps wasn’t meant to.
I knew to follow love,
even came back to be married there.
The last time I talked with my brother
was right there, too.
The disjointed, confusing
energy of the place
has been present throughout.
But now as I prepare
to fully walk away,
I can more freely reap the benefits
of other seeds that were sown.
Athleticism, strength, courage,
ability to find hope, no matter what.
I have those with me, too.
I can recognize and allow the blossoms
of my mother’s garden.
I can be me right where I am.
I don’t have to be
there anymore.
Sarah Carlson
July 3, 2020
Wow Sarah, this is very powerful... It sounds like I had a similar relationship with my mother - strained... Occasionally finding a space to "meet" each other, and also a very dysfunctional "family." In the more than a year since my mother passed, my *ideas* about "family" have changed, and like you, I have come to realize, "I don't have to be there anymore." Such a powerful statement... I thank you for touching that part of me with your words...
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