This vessel that is me

I wrote this recently after a wonderful dream that included a visit from Barry. He didn't say anything, just seemed to be checking in and sending me love.

Through this process I learned that, more than accepting a loss, you have to open your arms and take it into your being. It becomes part of who you are, but only part. What started as a totally out of control sense of brokenness, for me, turned into an opportunity to learn and grow and expand - a true path of self-discovery that continues.

I still have confusion and uncertainty sometimes, but as I've said before that sense of not knowing usually leads to new understanding. Now I'm working on learning to read the winds and navigate with gratitude, awareness, and love.

This Vessel that is Me

Sliding down a slippery slope,
seemingly out of control – again.
Old patterns pull at me
like a riptide.
But, I simply fill my lungs, flex my muscles
and allow my soul to expand.
Slowly I make the turn
and work my way back up the incline.
He’s there with that familiar, approving,
loving smile -
quietly checking in to be sure
I understand.
I have control of my vehicle now.
I can park wherever I’d like
and go where I want to go
safe in the knowledge that
in the moments of each day
I am at the helm of
this vessel that is me.

Sarah Carlson

April 7, 2011