 |
| Popham Beach State Park, Maine |
Ancestral Angst
Some of the energy from ancestral angst
somehow settled within.
Part of my lineage
with a distinct rigidity
that I’ve lugged
for a long while.
As I heal the strands often loosen,
discharging tension.
It’s as if there’s a conduit
to sorrows of the past
to which I am linked,
but with current that is lessening.
Because these bonds are so old
there can be a bit of a skirmish
as they let go,
I let go.
Sometimes I think I should apologize,
which in moments of release
makes no sense at all.
Perhaps I am sorry because I care,
but now know that the issues
of my forebears were theirs,
not mine.
Maybe I’m just sorry because
Some of the energy from ancestral angst
somehow settled within.
Part of my lineage
with a distinct rigidity
that I’ve lugged
for a long while.
As I heal the strands often loosen,
discharging tension.
It’s as if there’s a conduit
to sorrows of the past
to which I am linked,
but with current that is lessening.
Because these bonds are so old
there can be a bit of a skirmish
as they let go,
I let go.
Sometimes I think I should apologize,
which in moments of release
makes no sense at all.
Perhaps I am sorry because I care,
but now know that the issues
of my forebears were theirs,
not mine.
Maybe I’m just sorry because
distress was such a large
piece of the puzzle
as I remember it,
took it in.
I’m not sorry that I recognized
my need for liberation.
As more and more unloads,
washes away,
I access greater appreciation for
the goodness of the grains
that also form my foundation,
and theirs.
I’m sure they didn’t mean to
cause family fracture.
I’ll never fully understand
all that was broken,
but I do know that
none of it was my fault.
Though I still meander back,
I am acutely aware that
whatever happened is over.
I can flow forward with relief
at being
less and less connected
to ancestral angst.
piece of the puzzle
as I remember it,
took it in.
I’m not sorry that I recognized
my need for liberation.
As more and more unloads,
washes away,
I access greater appreciation for
the goodness of the grains
that also form my foundation,
and theirs.
I’m sure they didn’t mean to
cause family fracture.
I’ll never fully understand
all that was broken,
but I do know that
none of it was my fault.
Though I still meander back,
I am acutely aware that
whatever happened is over.
I can flow forward with relief
at being
less and less connected
to ancestral angst.
Sarah Carlson
August 18, 2018
No comments:
Post a Comment