Effervescence

As I continued to dig in and explore this unexpected life without Barry I began to know my self even better. In this poem I talk about the 'old me' and the 'newer me', but now I know it is really the same me. I just had to experience things differently, which I now understand can be seen as an opportunity. My years with Barry were truly a gift and around this time in the process I began to more clearly comprehend that the things I was discovering as I adjusted to life without him were also a gift of a unique nature.

Effervescence

I feel as though I am bubbling.
The bubbles seem to be a mixture
of old things that continue to dissipate
and new things that I’m
becoming better able to acknowledge.
As if I have clearer lenses in my eyes,
a more helpful filter in my brain,
I experience familiar
emotions and thought patterns
in a completely different way, again.
This frothy mixture of hurt and healing
produces a sense
of almost overwhelming energy
that I don’t quite know how to harness.
The old me thinks I should keep a lid
on my budding sense of self,
the somewhat sparkling
image of me that is emerging.
But the newer me wonders
just where this might lead,
what else is in there,
what are the possibilities?
Now that my heart is whole,
that I’ve come home to myself,
that I’ve learned to hold my being
in higher esteem,
it seems to make sense
that some of my inner pieces of
are demanding to be heard,
do not want to be denied.
I see that I should view
this effervescence as a
wonderful step
in the positive, more hopeful
path that lies ahead.
And so I guess
I’ll just bubble away the old,
dance with the energy
of the new,
and savor the many aspects of
this amazing effervescence.

Sarah Carlson

September 3, 2007