Filling in the blanks...

I've been trying to choose what to post for New Years. And during that process I've been feeling a bit of sadness and loneliness. I realized that New Years, for me, has traditionally been one of the more difficult times of year - especially early on. I remember the first one well - I didn't want it to turn to 2003 because that would be the first calendar year that Barry would not be with us as he was. I think I had been invited somewhere, but I just couldn't go. I think another reason for this gentle melancholy that has surfaced just now is because wherever we were, whatever we were doing Barry always found his way to me and had his arm around my shoulders - and at the stroke of midnight he always gave me a sweet little kiss. It was lovely...:) And I simply miss that.

So as I was looking through my poetry I found this little number that seems to fit. I remember writing it and how the blankness really did feel good. So much had washed away and there was room to fill with new things - and, well the poem says it best.

My wish for anyone who happens to read this is that whatever blanks there are in your life get filled however you need them to be in the New Year - and that you are able to feel goodness, benevolence and promise all along the way.

There I feel much better - thank you!

Blank

I feel blank and it feels good.
Hopeful, exciting, promising.
I’m empty, yet not.
All that has served me in the past
is still there -
right where it has always been,
but more accessible and easier to acknowledge.
This blankness, though disorienting,
is quite empowering at the very same time.
Where will I go with it?
What will I do?
Don’t know.
Don’t need to know, yet.
I just need to know that
all I have put out so
naturally and thoughtfully for others
is just as necessary
to put into me,
that the blankness will be filled
as I need it to be -
with the goodness of what was,
the benevolence of what is,
and the promise of what will be.

Sarah Carlson

January 31, 2008