Rejuvenation

 Rejuvenation 

Roots hold fast, 

pull nourishment from 

the awakening ground.

Limbs softly sway,

reach into the warmth 

and glow of the wide open sky.

Inner world enlivens

as trunk aligns,

joints and cells settle 

right where they need to be. 

A breath, a stretch, a gaze above.

Traumatic tensions

 from a long, cold winter

wisp away,

replaced by peaceful currents

 of growth and hope.

Though winter held a beauty all its own

and much was gleaned

 from its presence,

the time has come 

for rejuvenation.

Sarah Carlson

May 5, 2020

Pandemic Peace

I wrote this piece to use as a guided meditation for my Mindful Schools cohort group the Sunday before my mother died. As I re-read it recently, I realized that I also wrote it for her and that it was very present as I talked with her on the phone as things started to come undone just two days later. And, as time has gone on I realize I wrote it for me, for you, for all of us. With just a few revisions from the original piece, here it is:

Pandemic Peace

Deep, deep breaths,
in…. out… in… out… in … out.
Within the solid walls of your home,
and the linear edges of your computer screen,
settle into the soft
surrounds of your body,
If your mind is at first busy,
appreciate your amazing ability to think.
Then, allow thoughts to fade or rise
 or flow away.
Relax your eyebrows and behind your eyes.
Let that sense of ease slide down to your jaw
as you allow it to slacken.
Downward into your neck,
comfort seeps to your shoulders
as muscles slowly and surely
softly, ever so softly, settle.
Now….
drop into your heart space,
that place where you really are.
Feel the expansiveness
of love… and compassion
as they gently swirl
 in and around and through.
Sit with this for a bit,
giving quiet a chance to widen.


As you let your time of stillness
come to an end,
imagine this love and compassion
that resides in your heart space
as a golden glow.
Feel it warm you from within,
while at the very same time you
let it wend its way
into the reality of room where you are,
the virtual space we share,
the wider world
where all of us everywhere
can feel its smooth and silky support.
May we feel this love in tandem.
May we embrace this compassion as a community.
May we allow this peace that can be found
in these currents of quiet
that flow from our hearts
to buoy us and sustain us
as we navigate this pandemic together.

Sarah Carlson

April 19, 2020

The Light of Love, Too

A poem about this topic has been on my mind, in my heart, for a while. There is a poem in The Radiance of Change titled The Light of Love that is also paired with this picture. I've come to understand that Light more clearly over time. What follows was written between a tele-med osteopathic treatment in the middle of the day and some very tender time with my mother before she ended up in the hospital later that night. She passed away the next day.
Here I am a week and a half later, finding this piece in my drafts as I remember the many complex facets of our almost 63 years as mother and daughter.
This is a photo of a very special place in my heart - Campsite 11 on Student's Island,  Mooselookmeguntic Lake, Maine.

The Light of Love, Too

Freedom comes as one opens
to the Light of Love
without reservation or defense.
Its branches and tendrils,
currents and vapors,
are both earthbound
and lofty.
It is ready and available
for giving and receiving,
for the conduit to be complete.

Vulnerable infant,
wide-eyed toddler,
sweet little girl,
anxious teen…
For all those years love
flowed naturally from her
into her world.
It was reciprocated,
but not always by those
who were the receivers,
so she wondered and worried
that perhaps she did not deserve.
Then, her life and his merged
and she couldn’t help but let
the strength of his love in.
It was truly undeniable.
It provided an anchor and she relaxed
in the flow of marriage, motherhood, and teaching.
Tragedy struck and she became
 adrift and unsure once more,
though love still emanated from within.
Her natural propensity to care for others
remained strong
while the sense of possible unworthiness
again took hold in a that deep, familiar place.
Choosing to explore her fathoms,
over time she has learned to let go the pulls,
release the tensions,
allow the full, deep breath
of Spirit to enter,
restore, revitalize.
Slowly, steadily
she internalizes
 that she really does deserve
that Light of Love, too.
Nothing to do
other than continue
to learn to allow it
 to manifest and bolster
her innate vitality.

Sarah Carlson

April 21, 2020

When the Deep Spaces Speak

When the Deep Places Speak

Awakenings –
when things open and unfurl,
fueled by the warmth of
nurturing, golden light 
from above and around
and within.
Surfaces and cells 
stretch, soften,
give voice to all
that has been and
needs acknowledgment
in the now. 
Some things,
long forgotten,
may seep to the surface
or adhere from outside.
This may ache,
 cause some quivers,
or the need to cry away.
There will likely be grief
from things known
and things not.
Another opportunity
to sit in stillness,
 let come what may,
allow it into
  the light of day.
No need to carry,
or hold on, 
or be held back
any longer.
No need to worry,

judge, 

allow concocted wrongness
 to infiltrate.

Roots hold fast,

purity flows,

love supports and embraces

when those powerful and pure

 deep places speak.

Sarah Carlson

April 7-17, 2020

The Grief of Isolation

I wrote this during a recent power outage that accompanied a spring snowstorm here in Maine. Somehow being without what electricity brings to our lives paved the way for many emotions and sensations to surface. I have hesitated to share this, but as I recover a bit from the fatigue that came after 60 hours without power, I realized how important it really is to name what's going on. Especially now. I have come to understand that in order to be with whatever comes, learn from this (or any) time in our lives, we have to acknowledge what's there.

The Grief of Isolation

First off, I do know
that I am not fully alone.
I get it, I really do.
However,
in these days and weeks,
now likely to be months,
of the physical distancing
of Covid 19,
I am isolated, 

spend much of my time solo.
A widow,
one who has worked hard
to explore and learn from
the many facets of loss,
the grief of not having him here
is true.
A mother,
who did her best to be present

with our chidren

after his death,
there is grief to what
shifted between us.
A teacher,
one who thrives
on the inlets and outlets
of sharing in a classroom community,
there is grief in not being with students,
to being unsure as to how to find a new flow.
A sister,
whose brother died long ago.
A daughter,
whose father is gone
and whose mother cannot see.
A poet,
with a book full of her love
and healing,
but that sits in boxes with
nowhere to go.
All these pieces and more
are mine,
are part of me.
There is deep grief present.
I will sit with it, learn from it,
partner it with gratitude for all that is good.
But, I had to name it.
It’s real and strong,
just like me.
I’ll be okay,
but deep grief
 is definitely present.

Sarah Carlson

April 10, 2020

To the Moon

Full Moon Rising from Mosher Hill in Farmington, Maine

To the Moon

Your presence is so steady,
your phases predictable,
your comings and goings
such a delight.
You have the power to pull tides,
shift energies,
reflect the sun’s light.
Your patterns
have a quiet
soothing majesty.
Sometimes being with you
is especially profound,
 resonates deeply,
both within and without.

On a familiar hilltop she waits,
wonders where you are
as she anticipates your full rising.
She sees the low clouds,
but doesn’t realize
how dense they are
until your vibrant light emerges,
higher in the sky than expected.
She breathes, sighs, settles.
As you slowly make your way
into the twilight sky
she feels her own light expand
with yours
as inner clouds disperse.
You gently tug her heartstrings,
allowing antiquated pulls to lessen.
She breathes, sighs, settles even more.
With one more look
she gratefully
turns toward home,
your light,
her light,
leading her
tenderly there.

Sarah Carlson

April 10, 2020

The Flooding and the Freeing

The Flooding and the Freeing

Fortifying liquid flows
around, through, and in.
A flood,
but with a power that is
gentle and comfortable and right.
Surface sparkles submerge,
travel to far reaches,
ignite ever more fully that which
has long been kindled.
Detritus that had collected
along the shores
and in varied nooks
wobbles in the waves,
then cleanly clears away.
Pure, wholesome waters glide
as a soft breeze delivers
clarity, truth, newness.
A twitch, a breath,
a release, a remembering,
a blending together within.
Body fills with tender recognition
of pristine, cohesive pieces of self.
Misty, mindful eyes marvel at
a pulsating mosaic of colors
as those pieces re-combine and align.

Soul expands without encumbrance
from solid ground
to lofty stars
and back again.
Circuit completes with
a fresh, relaxing, full breath

 as the flood softly
gives way
to freedom.

Sarah Carlson

March 25, 2020

Togetherness

To all the teachers and students and the many others in the world of education who are experiencing such monumental change right now...

Togetherness

The rhythm of our seasons,
the dance of sun and Earth,
the interplay of dark and light.

We started school as summer was ending
and the Autumnal Equinox approached.
We got to know each other,
found our rhythms in our classrooms -
together.
Leaves changed and so did we.
The light of day dwindled

as winter and the holidays came upon us.
 Winder Solstice was another transition,
a time to notice and celebrate the dark of night,
the promise of growing light.
Our cadence became stronger as community grew
and our minds and hearts did, too.
Slowly, day by day, light has expanded
as snow melts, trees awaken,
birds chirp their springtime songs.
The Vernal Equinox is here
as we welcome it
apart from each other.
Days will continue to lengthen, 

trees will bud,
flowers begin to find their way
into the warm sunshine.

In this time of uncertainty
and lack of physical contact,
let us all remember that
we are connected.
May we look to the sky, the earth,
and to each other.
May we savor moments
with family and friends
in any way that we can.
May we be happy,
may we be safe,
may we feel love
all around and through us.
May we allow our emotions
and take comfort
in predictable patterns
like the changing seasons.
May we be open to experiencing
togetherness
in new and creative ways
as we work our way through

 these tricky and turbulent times.

Sarah Carlson

March 20, 2020

The Peace of the Pines

I share this one with a gentle reminder that some of us, for varied reasons, are going to be socially distancing largely alone. Let's all remember to check in with one another. Let's stay connected, maybe even strengthen connection, as we weather the wild and unpredictable winds that are blowing right now.

May you find the peace of the pines in your own lives during these trying times.

The Peace of the Pines

Setting out into the woods
she slides one foot in front of the other,
finds a tentative rhythm
on the changing surface.
She decides to climb
to the top of the ridge,
 skis a few loops
as anxious tensions release,
replaced by the pleasure of
physical exertion and
self-locomotion.
Reluctant to head back down,
once more she makes her way to the top,
 recognizes a gentle knowing
that’s drawing her there.
Pausing in the familiar stand of pines,
she allows her breath and heart to settle.
She watches and listens
as sun-kissed trees sway
in diverse winds
against the backdrop
of a brilliant blue sky.
In the sights and sounds of winter woods,
understanding slowly comes
as the heaviness of collective sadness
lightens a bit.
She takes a deep breath,
smiles and remembers
 that, as always, Nature knows.
Though each tree stands separate and singular,
their roots hold the ground together.
Isolation and connection
right there in front of her eyes.
Filled with the wisdom of the woods,
 the peace of the pines,
she gratefully, gallantly
 turns toward home.

Sarah Carlson

March 15, 2020

To Our Children:

To Our Children:

We love you.
The questions you have right now
 make sense.
It’s okay to wonder and ask.
As teachers, family, friends
we are answering as best we can.
We understand
 that you want those answers
to be clear and true.
Sometimes we adults
just have to calmly say,
“I’m not sure,
but here’s what we know.”
And even that changes
from day to day.

Remember that there
are things we do know for sure.
The solid earth is still spinning
so that the sun rises
to greet each new day.
Our majestic moon moves
through its predictable
and lovely phases.
Beautiful cloud formations
come and go
as varied winds blow.
So, whenever you feel unsure,
raise your gaze to the sky,
take a breath,
notice the beauty
of the natural world.
Look into the eyes
of someone you love
and just be
in that moment.
Open a book and
let its story unfold.
Grab a pencil
 and let yours do the same.
And, don’t forget.
We adults who are your teachers,
family, and friends –
WE LOVE YOU.

Sarah Carlson

March 14, 2020

Tender Light Softens

Tender Light Softens

 

Frozen layers underfoot

gleam in softened beams

that reach from 

fading sun to 

woodsy trails.

Skiers slow to a stop,

breathe,

 take it all in.

Tranquil tree shadows

stretch in the gentle glow

as dark and light mingle.

In times of sorrow and unease

remember to notice,

honor, welcome

glimmers of brightness

wherever, whenever

they appear.

The act of slowing

allows the opportunity

to treasure the truth

 as tender light 

spreads to the places that need

the warmth of its benevolence

the most.

Inner tensions again unwind

as muscles relax,

cells open,

blood flows.

Though sorrow and unease

are discernible,

tender light softens,

illuminates hope and healing 

as they sink, soothe,

and circulate.

Sarah Carlson

March 4, 2020

My Voice

My Voice

I found it a while ago.
It’s right here on this page,
has proven to be a trusty craft.
I’ve listened to it, honored it,
let it interleave in my healing.
I’ve explored and expressed
inner fronds of dark and light
and everything in between.
And yet sometimes
 when it is the spoken word,
when I say what I feel, think, need,
there’s the possibility of
constriction still.
I wonder,
“Am I complaining,
talking out of turn,
saying anything hurtful or…
wrong?”
My belly begins to ache
and I feel a twitchy energy
that doesn’t resonate with now.
Then I realize that I deserve
 to speak.
I didn’t deserve
 to be stifled -
ever.
My voice is filled
with care, concern, curiosity.
My words are
 sincere, sweet, sonorous.
When I speak and write
I allow light out from within
 and in from Without.
There’s no reason to hold it back.
My voice –
a means of expression
of the magic
of me.

Sarah Carlson

February 20,  2020

Gentle Power of Health

Gentle Power of Health
 

She sits quietly listening,
then ponders, offers, reflects.
With deep empathy
her presence is true.

Embedded in her substance,
it becomes part of her healing
to acknowledge within.

This multi-layered understanding

enlivens a deep achy place
that speaks plainly

 of having witnessed words
used as vehicles of hurt
instead of transporting love.
Caring, listening hearts
were not always available
in her times of need,
but she can speak safely now,
believe in their presence,
take in benevolence
and support.

She knows her tippy-ness 

will remedy

as re-balancing
 takes hold in her now.
She smiles,
 feels the warm,
gentle power of health.
 Compassion for her
own veritable being,
including those places that ache,
wends its way throughout.
Though connection
with others is important, 

 something she still

 often craves,
she enfolds her being,

taking time to care for and about

 her kindhearted self.

Sarah Carlson

February 8, 2020

In and Above

In and Above

There’s health in noticing
an imbalance within,
especially when paired with

a recognition of the solidity
with which one has thrived
in previous precarious predicaments.
There can be a tippy-ness
to inward rearrangement
until one gazes up and out.

Once careful circles above the fray

become more free and easy.
Just as a waxing moon

 can both nestle in
and orbit above
the bare branches of a singular tree,
so can one burrow

and rise.
Gently,
constantly,
palpably
progress occurs
inward and overhead.
Such sweetness
 in pausing to notice
the strength of the shifting,
the grace of the glow,
the power of the potential
 to be
in and above
at the very same time.

Sarah Carlson

February 6, 2020

 

Tender Magic

Tender Magic

Moments 

when the bounty of love
flows free and true,
around and through.
They can peel away layers,
sculpt newness,
allow ease,
provide equilibrium.
What a wondrous sensation
relaxing into
these currents of health
can be.
A pause, a breath,
a time of noticing
what is
right there, right then.
Later,
in times of duress
when pain may come into play,
one can revive
the tender magic
of those moments.
Beautiful blessings
freely available to those
who choose to savor
their soulful significance,
allow them to be an antidote
to whatever may cause distress.

Sarah Carlson

January 26, 2020

The Delicacy of Softening

The Delicacy of Softening

Life lesions leave some parts of us
splintered, spiky, silenced.
As those places awaken,
begin to speak,
we must listen with care
for they have much to teach.
A toughness
may have barricaded them,
formed as necessary protection
from the causes
and effects.
This barrier likely has intricate facets.
As it loosens,
gentleness and kindness
to oneself
is vital.
Inner awareness,
faith in relationship,
belief in one’s validity,
are strong company
for the wonder of revival.
As those once sharp, stiff,
  broken places
mellow and mend
one can appreciate and welcome
the delicacy of softening.

Sarah Carlson

January 16, 2020

So She Moves

Photo by Emma Carlson

So She Moves

Onward.
A step, a stride, a stance,
a push, a pedal, a pause

 at a time.
Relief and renewal
safely nestled within,
solid and secure
she sinks softly
 into her own silky waters,
allowing the light of  Love
to enfold her essence.
She smiles
 with gentle acceptance
for what has been,
open awareness
of what is now,
lighthearted anticipation
and appreciation
for what will be.
Saturated with a billowing
sense of peace,
inner embers aglow
with eclectic energy and
worldly wisdom –
so she moves…
onward
with salient, vibrant, radiant
currents of quiet.

Sarah Carlson

January 7, 2020

True Reflections

Totally True Reflections

As you sit in the stillness,
recognize that you know
how to move forward,
though the way ahead
may be previously unexplored.
You know when to pause and breathe,
soak in the splendor,
contemplate a challenge.
You have the ability to read the winds,
ride the waves,
paddle strong and steady,
adjust the rudder along the way.
You have what you need on board,
including the freedom
to ask for
and receive help.
You are perfectly human
in your own
wonderfully unique way.
And, yet there’s a sameness
in the flow of connection
to others, to nature,
to the Divine.
So, go ahead.
Sit in that stillness.
Let clarity come
in beautiful,
crystal clear,
totally true reflections.
Sit and feel secure
in the solid vessel
that is you.

Sarah Carlson

January 1, 2020

One Love

One Love

Imposed angst had a hold
on your good and caring heart.
Little by little you’ve
found the time and space
to loosen, reclaim, transmute.
You were used to walking hand in hand.
His grip and yours were
gracefully entwined
and you felt safe, held, happy.
You’ve been reaching,
gingerly trying to take hold,
at the same time
striving to let go
with gentleness and compassion.
You know now that I’m here,
just as you need me to be.
Feel free to take my hand
when you long for support.
My light is yours,
your light mine.

Call me whatever you want.
Let go of descriptors
and just feel the love.
It’s there, even when it’s
a challenge to discern.
My love, his love, her love,
their love, and yours.
It’s all the same.
 Embrace the essence.
    Hold it,
                 believe it,
                           cherish it,
                                           walk with it.
It’s real and true.
One Love.

Sarah Carlson

December 17, 2019

Note to Self

Note to Self

Whenever you feel
 that frosty tightness,
just breathe –
 through it, with it,
around it, within it.
Warm your wonderful waters
 simply by beholding
the beauty of now,
allowing archaic agonies
to soften and drizzle away.
Recognize that
your foundation is strong,
your flow genuine.
Though some shadows remain,
trust that you will attend to them
if need be.
Celebrate the gentle peace
that cascades 

through and all around you.
Relax into your
uniquely radiant truth.
Live –
be fully alive,
 enjoy the joyous rhythms
of omnipresent love.

Sarah Carlson

December 9, 2019

How Big is Your Love?

How Big is Your Love?

So much hate all around us.

We experience it

off and on in our own ways,

our own time.
What is hate?

 Its synonyms are a yucky bunch:

loathing, detestation, abhorrence,

aversion, animosity, revulsion,

disgust, contempt, abomination.

Such power they have

 if allowed, witnessed, received.

Yet, even more powerful is the antonym.

That being, love.

Though hate and all its mates 

do exist,

love can be, should be 

stronger.

How big is my love?

Big enough to counteract the hate

that I now understand 

was never about me

or because of me.

I know I live from

a place of love,
always have.

I interact, teach, speak, write

from my heart. 

The more I recognize that truth,

the more I understand

 how monumental love actually is.
As expansive as the sky overhead,

fair weather clouds 

gently flowing by.

As immense as a sandy beach 

at low tide,

bits of mica sparkling together as one

in the light of a late fall sun.

As vast as the rolling ocean

stretching to places unseen,

reflecting that light from above,

its rhythms a comfort to behold.

As magnanimous as a 

generous soul who,

by nature, 

loves with a whole heart. 

It surely is worth contemplating:

How big is your love?

Can you use it to help counteract 

hate and all its mates?

Sarah Carlson

December 1, 2019

In Tandem

In Tandem

Chest tightens, breath restricts,
unease begins to find a grip.
Wonder surfaces,
“What is that?
Why does it visit?
Should I pay attention, or not?”
And then I choose 

the miracle of breath.
That’s it.
I just breathe.
As I do, awareness washes in –
this tightness has a narrative
with a very complex plot.
Over time,
these moments of pause
continue to unravel storylines
that make up this life
I have lived so far.
Some I remember vividly,
others remain in a haze.
Some are valid and true,
others imposed and faulty.
What becomes more and more clear
is that the constriction,
though real in the moment,
does not have to honor
stagnant tales of old.
Those struggles are done
if I let them be.
I have the power to
let my story adapt
as I anchor to those
profound undulations
that present themselves 

along the way.
Just as love entered my life

exactly when I needed it,
so can I embrace,
even ask for,
Divine love.
I can let the obsolete subplot
of fear and doubt flow away
as many times as necessary.
At the very same time,
I can keep my memories of shared love,

that wonderful sense of being 

in tandem,

alive and well within.

Sarah Carlson

November 19, 2019

The Nuances of Change

The Nuances of Change

So many transformations in our lives.
Some colossal and life-changing,
others more delicate and quietly altering.
And, of course,

everything in between.
Recently I’ve been noticing
soft, muted adjustments
in my body, mind, and spirit.
Awareness of these
 involves allowing the power of quiet,
floating in the currents of now.
Sometimes this can be a bit disorienting,
though not uncomfortably so.
Patterns of thought,
once valuable and important,
are gently replaced
with novel undulations
of truth.

Singular grains of sand at low tide
nestle together in a splendid,

though temporary,

display.
Each occupies its rightful place
in shared moments of grandeur.
That’s the story right there,
 right then,
 free for beholding.
Just as majestic
 is the potential shifting
 of the story –
with the winds, the tides,
the drifting of days.
The nuances of change
have a sweet, subtle
radiance of their own. 
Recognizing this provides
for ongoing opportunities
 to reap the benefits
of the rippling out,
as well as
the rippling in.

Sarah Carlson

November 11, 2019

Your Glorious Ripples

I share this with gratitude for these waters, this place - Clearwater Lake, Maine

 Glorious Ripples

There is such a multidimensional losing
 to loss.
One wonders,
“Where did he go? Where am I?
 Who am I? Am I okay? How do I go on?”
Slowly, over time, this losing
can actually turn to finding.

In acknowledging the impact of loss,
it truly is possible to uncover
an eventual sense of gain.
Initially an oppressive weight
 that feels immovable and impenetrable,
grief can be an opportunity to
discover one’s veritable self
and the value of what ripples
out from within.
As one examines disheveled bits and pieces
of what was once a coherent whole,
there emerges the ability to enable them
to rearrange and reintegrate
 in their own way, their own time.
 Arriving at this place 

of letting go, letting be,
letting in, letting out
takes time.

And, that's okay.
Instead of heeding the inclinations
to hide or fend off,
there’s a sweet liberty
and tangible joy of allowing
one’s tenderheartedness to circulate.
Lose, find, heal, be
and you may just make your way to
relishing the reverberations of
your glorious ripples
 as they expand
into your surrounds.

Sarah Carlson

November 2, 2019

Aglow

Aglow

‘Not my fear, not my fear, …’
gently flows through
 my peaceful musings,
accompanied once again
by a sense of visceral release.
This detached dread
 very clearly is not mine.
I know that for sure.
No doubt at all, whatsoever.
As it washes away
inner freedom again expands,
that wide open sense of me
as I truly am.
Then… excitement… followed by,
or maybe mingled with,
the ‘not my fear’ undercurrent.
The beauty of it all is that
I know just what to do.
That being, nothing.
Nothing other than breathe and be,
allow my pure and loving essence
to integrate in my now
 with Divine comfort distinctly present.
I’m tired,
through and through.
But, I don’t care because

partnered with this

fatigue is
a powerful mix of
resilience, hope,
the  joy of being me.
These reflections make me feel
aglow
as the coziness of
the sparkling energy
of health
kindles ever more deeply.

Sarah Carlson

October 17, 2019

Divine Comfort

Divine Comfort

A deep sense of being unseen, 

unheard, unsure within
fabricated by
a slow, shady smothering
had long been her covert companion.
Uncharted exploration
uncovers the warp and weft of

 of love and truth,
enables distinction to spread.
Vulnerability remains present
as she continues her travels.

Sliding through silky waters,
liquid caresses each pore,
wraps her in the softness
 of contentment.
Solid shores surround,
pure fluid supports,
genial clouds hover.
Suddenly rain begins to fall
on the tranquil surface
as dancing ripples widen,
inverted droplets cavort
in a show of celestial grandeur.
She beams and giggles
as the majesty of the
unexpected moment permeates.
Rain subsides, sun peeks,
swimmer settles.
In the stillness

she recognizes the remedy
for that which was inflicted
and took hold before
she knew any better.
She lays back,

finds the courage to more deeply
dispel antiquated guidance,
feel the freedom of her flow,

allow Divine comfort

to enfold and enliven as it
 gently weaves its way into her fabric.

Sarah Carlson

October 7, 2019

Emergence of Hope

I wrote this poem as part of my own processing of feelings and sensations that have come as a result of the explosion in my community last Monday, September 16th. I share this poem with my sincere empathy and compassion for those directly affected by the blast.
I have experienced sudden loss that had direct impact twice in my life - once just days before my 30th birthday when my only brother was killed in a biking accident, and the second at the age of 45 when my husband died while playing tennis with friends. Over time a unique voice emerged that has become my way of telling the more emotional side of a story so my logical side can make some sense of challenging life experiences. I often look back on my writing and feel my heart warm with the recognition that, even when I wasn't fully aware it was there, hope has been a constant.
I took this picture on the way back into Farmington last evening. I had spent the day participating in an organized bike ride and visiting family. It felt healthy to be out and about, but good to be coming home, too. The following poem began forming as I drove and was coming through pretty strongly as I approached town. This scene greeted me as I drove toward Farmington Falls.
I share this with wishes that it may help readers access hope in their own way, in their own time.

Emergence of Hope

Concussive blows,
some quiet and others undeniably loud,
are something we humans experience
in varied ways and, usually,
at unexpected times.
In my small town of Farmington, Maine
we had one of catastrophic size and scope.
In an instant life was lost,
severe injuries happened,
homes destroyed.
The whole town literally shook to its core.
Many students came to school
having heard the blast followed by
 ‘white stuff raining down’ on them at their bus stops.
We teachers were told of an explosion
and the canceling of a yearly field trip
to Agriculture Education Day at our local fair.
With wonders of the cause in the backs of our minds,
 students entering the building
 full of questions for which, at that point,
we had no answers,
we did what teachers do.
Moving into a day of sporadic
information that slowly
painted a profoundly tragic picture,
we gently spent time with the
diverse young beings in our care,
all the while dealing with
varied connections and feelings of our own.
And then a few days later
we wore red in support
 of all who were deeply and directly
 affected by the blast.
Outside on our playground we gathered,
over 300 strong,
a sea of red community spirit.
I happened to be standing near a student
who turned to offer heartfelt support to another.
It took a moment for understanding to come,
as a genuine smile gradually spread
across the receiver’s face.
A beautiful reminder
 of the compassion and resilience
 of our youth,
of us all,
and the undeniable emergence of hope
that can be a such a powerful partner
 to tragedy.

Sarah Carlson

September 22, 2019

Gather

Gather

I carried it for so long,
though I don’t really have words
that properly convey.
I know it to be gloomy, tangly, once mighty.
  I long thought it was stronger than me.
But the antithesis is true.
I am stronger, have always been.
I had to acknowledge it,
explore it for a time,
learn from it
so I could welcome faith
in the currents of now.
Along the way I kept thinking
I had it figured out,
 could set it down and move on.
I’d relax in the flow
and then it would slither in
 from an unnoticed direction,
implore me to pay attention
just when I felt full and free.
So recently, from a place of safety,
I reluctantly listened yet again.
I felt confined by it and distinct from it.
I felt exasperation toward it
and compassion for me.
I felt stale constriction
and hinting liberation.
Though I tried to waylay them,
tears demanded my attention.
Now as underlying,
unneeded intensity lessens,
I can absorb that I am truly okay,
 have the ability to let the muck filter away.
I belong, I am safe, I can trust.
I can believe in mutuality
with the Divine without fear.
Whatever fear attached to that
 simply is not mine,
has no meaning for me.
With fondness for self,
gratitude for growth,
recognition of radiance,
 I softly, tenderly reorient and release.
There may be bits that straggle, or not.
It doesn’t really matter because
they will fall away
 at the opportune time.
I am free to lovingly lighten up,
 gather what this meander reveals.

Sarah Carlson

September 15-22, 2019

In the Currents of Now

This piece has been a long time coming and was challenging to write. It's also one that I was initially reluctant to share, while at the same time it feels right to do so. I decided to not try to figure out the why of that, so here it is.

In the Currents of Now

By the shore of her serene lake
she dips her toes in the water.
With a gentle sigh
she decides to slide all the way in.
Relaxing in the beauty of
her inner landscape,
her vibrant smile reflects
how nice it truly is within.
At the very same time
 deep, stale sorrows swirl
with an energy mostly of release, 

not threat,
though sometimes it is still
hard for her to tell the difference.
She learns to find solace
in not always understanding
 the source or the meaning
of that which goes.
More and more at ease
 with whatever is there,
she lets go the urge to
remember, relive, rerun
distressing scenes of the past.
She encourages her own self
to trust her healing
without trying so hard,
caring too much.
Deep weariness washes away,
replaced by even deeper comfort.
Turning her gaze to the sky above
she feels those stories of so very long ago,
the ones that had her believing
inherent wrongness,
lose their veracity and ferocity.
Her body slackens as a refreshing faith
that feels both foreign and familiar
saturates and revives.
Softly, slowly it dawns on her
that maybe,
just maybe
she can consider herself
a conduit
 to and from the Divine.
The mutuality, relationship
she has been craving
is right there, right here.

Hopeful, she lays back
and floats more fully
in the currents of now.

Sarah Carlson

September 12, 2019

Nice in Here

Nice in Here

I feel as if I’m moving
all the way in.
Like some places were off limits before,
or maybe were taken up by things
recently vacated.
Either way, I love the sensation
of filling in my own far reaches.
When it happens I access more keenly
that boundless expanse
I once thought did not include me.
 I have a limitless, unencumbered
sense of being,
a nowness that seamlessly blends
 wild child wonder
with poetic wisdom.
These words don’t really do justice
to what these feelings are like.
In fact,
as I watch my pencil
slide across the page of my journal,
hand illuminated by the evening sun,
it’s almost as if I don’t know
who is doing the writing,
though the described sensations
are strong and true.
Not a dissociation at all,
but more like a re-association
as my tender tones
settle into a sweet and steady harmony.
Simply a delightful newness of
my experience of me.
I like it
and I’m finding
that it’s really quite
nice in here.

Sarah Carlson

August 27, 2019