Sometimes along the way I would wonder if I was repeating myself as I wrote - thinking I had already said something earlier and sort of feeling bad about not moving forward. But then I would realize that the thoughts actually went deeper and became more a part of my how my mind and my heart worked together, so to speak. As I looked back on these poems I can see how my coaching training and instincts were at work - I had help along the way, to be sure, but I became better at coaching my own self.
These three poems were written the same year, but a few months apart. They are all about experiences I had where things that were happening at this phase were again presented to me as a natural display - and with these it was all in the sky. I use the image of wisps of water vapor often, in these and in others - and I can actually remember several times when I was biking or skiing and I could feel things I no longer needed or had use for whisp away from me as I moved. It was a great feeling. I think and hope that this series of poems shows how, as one digs into a process such as this, growth and change happens in many ways - sometimes easily discernible and sometimes barely so - but something is always happening.
I would like to take a moment to thank my father, who taught me at a very young age to look up. We had many happy times studying clouds and the night sky together. Thanks, Dad.
Sky Talk
My inner darkness
has become gray and nebulous,
still strong, but diffused by the light
I have discovered without and within.
It continues to confuse me,
make me fearful,
cause me distress,
but it has changed.
I reached out today, asked for help
and the sky talked to me.
A beautiful gray cloud,
shaped like my core,
was sitting above the evening horizon,
underside lit by the setting sun.
I stood and watched,
again in awe of the natural display
that so closely matched what I felt.
The cloud was not static,
moving ever so slowly across
the tips of the trees that hug the river.
The grayness diffused as it moved
and the light of the setting sun
suddenly became the softest light
I have ever seen.
It was a comforting, ethereal scene
that soothed my still hurting core.
And I remembered an earlier realization
that it sometimes hurts to heal,
but the point is that it IS happening.
It’s when I’m the most down
that I have to remember to
look up and see
what the sky has to say
because sky talk always seems
to make sense.
Sarah Carlson
February 10, 2007
Shades of Gray
The darkness has become shades of gray
as the light diffuses the
fear, the pain, the anger.
Like a stormy sky as the clouds begin
to lighten and disperse
with shades of gray,
multi-hued from almost black
to nearly white
and everything in between.
The winds of change continue to work
as I learn to understand
and tap my inner knowing.
I can feel the effects dissipate
like wisps of water vapor
that peel away from clouds
evaporating into thin air.
My mind is clearing
and I can contemplate the
same thoughts in a completely new way,
with a sense of inner peace,
and the notion that it’s okay
to believe in me.
The darkness of storm clouds
gives way to the brilliance of the sun
and the blueness of the glorious sky.
Shades of gray will come and go,
but the light is always there.
Sarah Carlson
April 24, 2007
The Blue is Always There
Storm clouds,
multi-faceted, ominous,
threatening,
billowing with negativity,
seemingly impenetrable in places,
yet light and airy,
almost whimsical in others.
Viewed from afar are beautiful,
lose their power
when seen in the context
as a part of a whole,
because the blue is always there.
Inner storms,
caused by hopelessness that
I internalized,
by losses that were beyond
my control,
by despair that was not all mine.
Those storms are quieting,
losing their power
as I step away,
look at them as just part
of the whole that is me.
In some ways a beautiful part
because of how I turned it to good.
As the wisps of despair,
the remnants of fear
peel away and dissipate
I can see that
the blue is always there,
has always been,
Yes, the blue is always there.
Sarah Carlson
June 21, 2007
"hurts to heal..." i love those words from the first poem in this series, so true and relief giving. we expect that healing produces nothing but good feelings .. alas sometimes the process is painful ... but a clean hurt perhaps ... nice Sarah!
ReplyDelete